Anger – A tempting opportunity to destroy self

I know I am not perfection personified and am not sure I want to get there either but there is one weakness in me which has affected me more than all others put together and that, I want to get rid of – Anger. It has not pushed me to doom so far, the sole reason being that the people who really matter have been forgiving and accommodating of me. Every time I strayed the wrong way, they have had the heart to give me “just one more chance”. It frightens me to sit back and think just how soon these chances would exhaust and how far have I pushed their tolerance.

Time and again, I get hold of one of these soul-cleansing articles or books, hoping to purge my soul but as happens with most such articles, the words and their intent are completely lost on me. I read them cover-to-cover and store every word in my mind but don’t really process any of it, not until one fine day when a bolt from the sky strikes me and every thing I have ever read or been told comes back to me and starts making a whole lot of sense. One such bolt struck me a few days back as I sat by the window in my office bus on my way home. My mind was wandering back and forth all over my memory lane recalling several incidents where in I had lost complete control of myself and let anger take over me. I was shocked as I realized that I had exposed my weaknesses to perfect strangers and was shamelessly expecting them to sympathize with me. I had emerged none the winner, just an empty, bitter and helpless feeling in my heart. It happened far too often and I was tired. I needed a way out of this agony - agony it is for a self-respecting person to feel helpless. I closed my eyes, imagined myself avenging all those who had apparently wronged me but the same helpless feeling threatened me. Then the bolt and all the words of advice I was ever given came back to me in a gush, processed and full of meaning – “Do not let anger overwhelm you. Tame it and use it to your purpose.”

I analyzed all those incidents in this new light. I put myself in the “wrong-doers’” place and realized that he/she never saw what I was seeing. They had a whole new outlook and if I thought mine was right, it was my duty to reason out and show them why. Instead, I had screamed at them, insulted them and hurt their self-respect and in the process, made them close their minds to me. I had forgotten that the other person had as much self-respect as me and would be as protective of it as I was of mine. I wouldn’t care for a person who insults me, why should another? There is also another aspect – the “wrong-doers” are part of a situation. Avenging one person or another cannot solve the problem because there would be yet another to take his/her place. I must equip myself against the situations. The knowledge of progressive steps towards the goal drives out the helpless feeling, if not success itself and to keep myself progressing, all I need to do is recall my anger. Currently, anger has stopped playing “fire” in my life and has taken the role of “fuel”.

It hasn’t been too long since this learning but it is there for now and I wish it stays with me for long.