Driving in Bangalore and Betting on Horses

The Kingfisher summer derby that made front page news recently and the Jeeves and Wooster’s “sporting” stories (thanks to Mr. P.G. Wodehouse) that I have been gorging on for sometime now were, for reasons unknown, foremost on my mind as I squeezed through the indomitable Bangalore traffic on my way to office today. A bolt from the skies and I could see a connection!
Driving in Bangalore is like betting on horses.

Illustrated (This is from a biker’s perspective): As one approaches a patch of high vehicular density, one starts betting on which vehicle is best followed, overtaken or altogether avoided. For example, the best bet is an ambulance, follow it and you are sure to win, that is make a headway into the traffic. This thumb-rule stands valid for the present and a not-so-distant future, until the human conscience holds a bit of ground. A truck is the worst bet, fall behind it only when there is a gorge on either side. They are loaded with at least ten times more weight than they are permitted to carry and the engines contain everything except what the manufacturer initially intended for them. Next, keep your eyes open for those dangerous of the species called “safe drivers”, the ones that move only when the signal is green, stop for the pedestrians and do not squeeze into the next gap available. Overtake them the first opportunity you get although, one can bet on them when the only other choice of horse is a truck; at the least they don’t mow you down when gravity beckons. There are some other horses in the race that must be observed carefully before betting, these are the kinds that turn winners under certain conditions and certain conditions only. The buses, public or otherwise, come under this category. When on the edges of the road, they tend to allow a tiny margin between the median/footpath and themselves and this gap is a boon in disguise to a skillful bike rider. The bulk of their body in proportion to the size of the road is instrumental in blocking other bulky ones of the species and keeping the path clear for a good distance ahead. If one can just manage to squeeze through these margins, the road to victory is theirs for taking. Remember though, if you are not skilled enough to utilize the margins, avoid these horses altogether, they more often than not stop mid-track for rest, intake or just to chat up with others of their breed. Then there are the lame horses, the moped riders, the cycle riders and the pedestrians. Do not think twice before you kick them aside and get along.
A few more but no more, there ends the simile.

When you are betting on horses, you are not one of the horses, no ones betting on you and you are safe in the pavilion munching popcorn. Being a horse yourself, part of the race too and betting on other horses is, as Wooster would call it, a bit thick. There is no saying when an over-enthusiastic horse judges you a lame horse and kicks you aside or just massacre you to get ahead. Jack shall have no more betting then.

Riding thirty kilometers to office everyday for a couple of months now, I think I will get back to the pavilion and enjoy the race from atop before being judged lame by a hot-blooded of the species; get back to my office bus, I mean.

What!! Oh no! I ain’t giving no advice, Tch Tch, that’s for the grey-haired ones to do.